big fat positive

boo, gotcha! nup, i ain't pregnant. i haven't seen DH's Krull the Warrior King for 23months.

i called my fertility specialist and we've got an appointment booked in. NEXT MONTH! Well, apparently, somebody had just cancelled her appointment and it was either this appointment or sometime in late September. So, i thought, WTH!

Anyway, spoke to my FS and first thing he asked was,
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?!

Erm, hello? U're my FS. I'm infertile. I need to get knocked up again.

Told him that I hadn't had my AF yet and that I was hoping to try again..soon? He was shocked and asked, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE PCOS, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY? Yep, that's right..I have fucking endo that eats my mood away and makes me very bitchy. Told him that I'm still bf-ing and tried to night wean but it's been H.A.R.D. We've been successful with day weaning cuz T's just too busy exploring the world. Told him that at the rate we're going, T will be the only child and that I'd have my menopause first. He laughed. Huh? Was that a joke?!

Honestly, I am excited about trying again for number 2. But there are days, I'd go, I don't know if I can do it. T has been sick quite a lot and I had my moments of I WANT OUT, seriously. Because I couldn't cope doing it all on my own. Although I have DH at night and during the weekends, but it's the day when I'm all alone with a sick and crying baby..and I am helpless cuz I wished I could do something to make him feel better. He hasn't been sick for 2 weeks (am i jinxing it by saying this out loud!???) and I feel a bit sane but there's just so much housework to do! arghs!

Then, just yesterday, I started reminiscing about the time I found out that I was pg to the first time I saw T at my 12 weeks scan. I will never forget that day. I was filled with fear and apprehension..and excitement. At 12 weeks, I saw 10 fingers, 10 toes and I heard the most beautiful beat,

BA-BOOM
BA-BOOM
BA-BOOM

His heartbeat.

And then he did a wave and he had me at hello.

I was rapt...... with love

To me, I didn't just want to be pregnant. I wanted to stay pregnant and have this baby in my arms. My big fat positive was = baby in my arms and me realising my dream of being a mum - FINALLY. Can I be selfish and say that, I want to live that dream again. My good bloggy friend said, WE'RE LIVING THE DREAM. MUMMYHOOD IS GRAND. I couldn't agree even more!

So, I sent a fedex to God and made a little wish.

It would be lovely to hear jingle bells this X'mas but it would be even lovelier to hear,

BA-BOOM
BA-BOOM
BA-BOOM

I haven't said this for some time.... FINGERS CROSSED, huh?

ps. oh, wtf? maybe i'll just visit DH's Krull the Warrior King and see what happens tonight. U know how the fertiles say it in their annoying Fran Drescher whiney tone, I KNOW IT ALL,, U KNOW, IF YOU CAN GET PREGNANT ONCE, U CAN GET PREGNANT AGAAAIIIIINNNNN! hmmpf.