Wednesday, July 21, 2010

it's a no-go

we've decided that we won't try for number 2 - for now.

financially, we're very tight. we are still paying our mortgage back home in singapore. we are still renting here in australia. houses here cost more than half a million. we don't have that. so we have to wait for our house back home to sell before we can finally have a deposit to buy a house here in australia. we really want to have a house on our own here. We hope that with the house sold, we could also hire some help if i were to be preggers with number 2.

it sucks. i was all geared up to try again. most of my friends who had gone through fertility treatments and had given birth around the same as me are either preggers with number 2 or on their way for their next ivf cycle. i know that with our last lesson learnt with infertility, you never know what to expect. it could take another 1 year, 3 years, 10 years, or probably never to get pregnant again.

i really want a sibling for T. I'm sad.

i fucking hate infertility.

and hate it that fertiles have it easy.

but T's smile is enough to brighten any storm for me.

So, we wait.

rant over.