Wednesday, May 11, 2011

do we try again?

Our fertility specialist has given us the go ahead to try for another baby after the 2nd month of my period. Well, 2nd month has come and gone. We haven't really been talking about trying again. T still touches my tummy daily to ask for his "bay-bee" and it doesn't hit me in the guts anymore when he says that. It's a numb sadness that I feel.

But sometimes there's just that, WHAT IF WE DON'T QUICKLY TRY NOW OR IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN? fear that I feel from my infertility days.I know I am very blessed to have T but I also know that I do want another one, for T's sake. Somehow I feel that we'll be here in Australia for good so I would like a sibling for T. Somebody he can count on, somebody he can go to for help or support if anything should happen to both babes and myself since he doesn't have any other family members to depend on. Plus I grew up as an only child and it was pretty lonely.

But my heart's not ready but the practical side of me says that I should try sooner rather than later.

I just wish it didn't have to be so difficult.

Times like these I just wish that the beauty of conception be that simple for us.

I just wish that I'm fertile.

Friday, May 6, 2011


Singaporeans will be voting tomorrow. Being away from Singapore for almost 4 years, I don't really keep in touch with the Singapore news anymore, apart from Jamie Yeo having had an affair and dumping that loud mouth deejay and getting married to an English dude, or is he American?

Anyways, from what I hear, it's the first time that people, or rather, the younger generation who may want a different system, a system to be heard & open. I lived with a system where we had to follow rules. Though some of them I am grateful for, many I disagree.

I was shocked when I saw an election here in Australia for the first time. The existing government was immediately thrown off and taken away by another party. So, this is what keeping the government in check was all about! So different from Singapore where it was my system, my way, you just jolly well live with it.

I have lived in two different countries. Whilst I miss things like getting foreign help so cheaply to things like being able to run downstairs to get a plate of chicken rice to having CPF and knowing you can use it for your housing instalment, there are so many reasons why we won't go back to Singapore - for now, or perhaps forever.

Our life here is good. With infertility, doctors here are better. We were better informed of our disease and were better educated about how to treat it. Babes comes home by 5.30pm and gets to spend at least 3hours before T goes to bed. I get to be a SAHM here to enjoy and treasure being with T. If we were to go back, both of us would have to work as babes's occupation has been overtaken by foreigners in Singapore and was told to take a paycut when we were in Singapore..or that his position would simply go to a foreigner who is willing to take a lower salary. We could not survive on his salary alone in Singapore :(

When we went back to Singapore last year after 3.5years of being away, we felt that Singapore is a different Singapore for us. So many tall buildings, everywhere was just so congested, houses are so close by that you wouldn't dare let go a fart for fear your neighbour might hear you - ok, so i exaggerate about the closeness...

Being in Melbourne now for the past 3 years, we are perhaps more used to the beach now where we live, used to seeing beautiful trees; our neighbours are just next to us but yet we have our own privacy - we are divided by our gardens, we are so used to being able to drive up to the country to enjoy some country life and hear the cows moo and the horses fart, oops, i mean neigh, more used to hearing a horn beep to say hello and goodbye, rather than seeing an annoyed handwave as to why you are driving so slowly in Singapore!..and we have our own circle of friends now and we really, really, like it's a life we've come to embrace.

Babes and I were talking recently if we would go back to Singapore to live. We're unsure. We'll take it day by day and see how it go..but for us, Melbourne is home now and we have T.... And it's the best place to be.