:(

For the past few nights, I've been staring at the computer, eating my ice-cream. Indulging in self-pity food.

ice cream tastes fucking good.





When I first found out that I was pregnant with T, I had the camera on a roll. We took pictures of my first pee stick that said - pregnant (I am still keeping that pee stick), first scan of him waving to us, pictures of my tummy growing bigger, pictures of us buying his pram, cot, clothes, and then when he was born, pictures of everything. Our first touch with him, his first day, second day, third day, first week, first month, first smile, first step..and then there will be more pictures to come of his first day at school, first picture of him being a teen, first picture of him being 21 - an adult officially...and pictures of him getting married, and maybe of him having his first child (definitely NO pressures from me about insisting him to have grandchildren!).

Pictures.

Lots of pictures.

And these will become lots of beautiful memories to treasure.

Miscarriage is so hard. When it all comes crashing down around you when you miscarry, you have lost a lifetime of memories. Most people don't know but your life has just completely changed.

My fondest memory of Baby Number 2 is of a picture of a pee stick that says 4 to 5 weeks pregnant.

And that memory stops there.

I long for more memories with Baby Number 2. I really do.

It's been a week since the d&c.

My heart still bleeds and the tears can't stop falling, though they are less often.

:(



Back to eating ice-cream now. *nom nom nom*

Ice cream tastes so fucking good.