been through it and don't want to go through it again.

Sometime around this time of the year, in June 2008, I was counting down to my first IVF. I had gone through a lap, after being diagnosed with infertility - endo, with the works - polyps, fibroids, ovarian cysts. The 3 years of not getting pregnant and then with a diagnosis, seriously freaked me out. Deep down I was so so so so so so scared that I would never experience motherhood.

I resorted to blogging because I didn't know who to turn to or if anybody was going through the same. Nobody understood what I was going through, nor did I expect them to. I made a few bloggy friends and some I'm still in contact with them.

Recently, I went through my blog list of Just Me and realised that so many are no longer blogging. I wonder what happened to them. Have they finally had a chance to meet their resolutions in their journey with infertility? Or are they still on this lonely path?

I admit that the last 2years after having T, I haven't really been blogging. I've been consumed with motherhood. It is a whole lot harder when you're doing this alone with no family help or any help, in a foreign country. I know, excuses, but honestly, true. It's 6.20am, and my down time is now before the madness starts in the morning 7am attill 9pm and then I start to clean the house and prepare his day time activities for the next day till 1am and finally I go to bed. But I love the madness because i wouldn't change it for the world.

Babes and I are talking again about trying again. Maybe later part of this year. My heart's not healed but I am willing to give it another go. It so longs for another pair of arms to go round me at night, it so longs for another kiss on the other cheek, and it so longs for the love in the eyes that I see from T.

But if we can't have another child again, then it's ok. I'll close the chapter because I don't want to be sad and to go through the infertility of why me days again.

But the chapter's not ready to be closed so we'll see.

and hope for hope again.